Getting in the Mood.... How to maintain a good sex life with kids

Studies have shown that woman generally think about sex half as much as men do on a daily basis. Men are pretty much ready for sex anywhere and at any time, whereas it takes woman a lot longer to get in the mood. We do have foreplay though! Considering it is claimed that 75% of men come within 3 minutes of penetration then foreplay is not only nice but essential if you want to get aroused and get off!. If needed, you can always take things into your own hands but you’ll probably have more fun if your partner takes over. Your partner needs to make you a priority every time, it’s not good enough if you’re missing out and it will certainly be harder to get in the mood.

You also have to be mentally willing and relaxed to allow yourself to be seduced.

Some of the obvious factors for lack of desire are because woman have a lot on our plate and are often too tired or stressed to get in the mood for any jiggy time. If you want to stay connected with your partner it's important that you both make an effort, the added bonus of an orgasm always helps improve your emotional wellbeing too. Make time to keep things fresh and exciting, it doesn’t just have to be your partner taking the initiative with sex, when you take control you not only show him you still want to be sexually active with them which is a massive turn on for him but you can do it on your terms when you are ready and primed for it.

You could start with choosing a specific day once a month, a week, or whatever works for you as long as you do something. Here are a few ideas to help get in the mood, depending on what is feasible you can use one, some or all of them to help you get in the mood and have fun….

SNAP SHOT

1. Set a day 9. Smell

2. Build anticipation 10. Get the toys out 3. Get Active 11. Watch porn 4. Preen and Polish 12. Massage 5. Relax 13. Get down to it 6. Dress up (or down)

7. Music

8. Increase libido

1. Set a day – make sure you have time so you are relaxed and have time to prepare.

2. Build the anticipation

a. Go 50 shades and put some keegal balls in after lunch and forget about them. These will build up tension throughout the day and help intensify your orgasm later

b. Sext your partner throughout the day; send saucy pictures to each other of sext about things you want to do later to them or vice versa.

c. Don’t put underwear on for the day, its not only liberating but every time you feel the breeze will remind you of what you have in store later, helping to builds that excitement.

3. Get active – It is of course important to keep ourselves active both physically and mentally but when we do exercise we release testosterone which in turn release endorphins into our system, increasing our sexual desire. With most of us sitting at desks , sofas or a coffee shop it is no surprise more of us are suffering with poor circulation in the nether regions which has a negative impact on your sex drive.

4. Preen and polish – I instantly feel more confident and desirable when I take time to freshen up, so make it a priority to get a wax, grab a shaver or pluck away, you will feel like your old self in no time.

5. Relax - Take time for yourself to unwind and mentally tune out the outside world. Read a book, have a cup of tea or glass of wine or a warm bubbly bath, close your eyes put some music on and do nothing. Make sure you have time to do this so you aren’t harassed and undo all your good work!

6. Dress up – this could go three ways, firstly you could get dressed up in some sexy lingerie with stockings and suspenders and finish it off with some heals, if your going out just shimmy into a sexy number over the top, you’ll feel sexy and excited to reveal it when you get back. Secondly, you could dress up in fancy dress, pull out the old nurses outfit and hope it still fits(!) or get hubby to dress up as a fireman if that’s your hotspot. Thirdly you could greet your partner on the bed in your birthday suit with some heals, a choker necklace then finish the look off with some red lipstick and smoky eyes, always a winner!

7. Music – music evokes so many emotions and memories, put on your play list to help you get in the mood. Turn it up load and have a sing along. Later in the night you could dig out ‘your’ song, turn down the lights and slow dance with your partner in the middle of the kitchen for 15 mins, reconnecting and remember the good times.

8. Increase libido -/ supplements & food – we all know there are certain foods that are suggested to help boost libido but evidence is somewhat sketchy. Here are a few suggestions that studies have claimed help boost libido.

Foods – bananas, peanut butter, honey. Celery has androsterone which when eaten by a man releases a pheromone in a man’s sweat that increases female attraction to them!

Supplements –

ArginMax – Has been proven to improve a women’s desire and sexual satisfaction. ArginMax is a combination of vitamins A, B-complex, C, E, Korean Ginseng, Ginkgo and Damiana leaf.

Ginseng – Studies have shown significant benefits to men’s performance including helping with erectile dysfunction. Less studies have been conducted on women however Korean Red ginseng has been shown to increase arousal in menopausal women.

NOTE - Ginseng not advised for anyone with hormone sensitive cancer due to estrogenic properties.

Gingko Biloba - This supplement has been proven to increase sexual appetite and pleasure. It aids circulation around the body, including pumping more blood to the pelvic area which in turn aids arousal helping to enhance orgasms.

9. Smell – turn off the lights and create atmosphere with some artfully placed scented candles. Capitalise on the smell and burn some aphrodisiac stimulating candles such as liquorice, pumpkin pie, cinnamon, lavender and vanilla.

10. Get the toys out – From speaking to people I know that not everyone has toys in their bedroom arsenal and that’s fine, you don’t have to use them but they could enhance your sexual experiences and make it a bit of fun. You can always make do with what you may have at home already, it costs nothing to fashion a blind fold or bathrobe belt to tie you up ;). Or you could invest in a couple of purchases that interest you to stash for a later date. I always like to purchase new toys/lingerie, games for birthdays, Christmas, holidays as a good excuse to add a little spice but that doesn’t mean that you cant do it any other time too.

11. Watch some porn – either by yourself or explore with your partner. It is always a good one to get you into the mood quickly and as there is so much free porn on the internet you don’t have to have a stash of pornos in the wardrobe that the kids can find. Don’t be shy, have fun exploring and discovering what turns you on. There are so many different categories to choose from so have a play around and see what floats your boat, embrace it, there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.

12. Get a massage – Everyone (mostly!) likes and needs some form of physical contact in our lives whether it’s a hug, a touch of the arm or massage. Touch has been proven to trigger the release of the hormone oxytocin in the systems, which is known to decreases stress and aid relaxation, helping to get you into the right frame of mind for jiggy time, the only question should be, who goes first? Touch also increases white blood cells that work to help protect the body from disease so it’s a win win. Have a massage to relax the body and clear the mind.

13. Get down to it…..